Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
