I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
