I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
