WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
