this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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