dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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