If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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