Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
