I can text with my tongue
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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