4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
one two three fourrrrnication!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm at about main and main street
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
