i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
