I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's always time for handjobs
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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