I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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