Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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