its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
