I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
