hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
