it wasn't lemon gatorade
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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