everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
