wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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