it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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