i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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