I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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