Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
