her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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