I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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