ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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