she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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