He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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