You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
