i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
