i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
