If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
