the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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