Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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