I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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