I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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