EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
