I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
