i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
