Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I checked into jail on foursquare
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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