my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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