He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
