it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
