the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
