Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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