When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You don't make any sense
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