dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
