i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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