What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
