Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think people are normalizing furries
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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