Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
