I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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