saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
