Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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