there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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