Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
