Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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