I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
