Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No subtext here. People are naked.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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