I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize