listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
