so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
