you're like a bully in the Christmas story
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
