So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
