How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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