i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
