I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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