Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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