i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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