i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize