i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize