when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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