Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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