im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
