All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
