I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize