Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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