In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
