Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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