I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
