i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
