Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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