Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
