the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
