Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
