So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
