You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
