I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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