her vagine was all disorganized.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
