She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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