someone threw a dead crab at me
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
