I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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