I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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