I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
