After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
where are my eyebrows?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize