I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
