did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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