When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
