does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
