how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize