Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
