I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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