his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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