There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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