The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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