Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
