Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
